A brutal blow comes from an unexpected source in Monday Night’s Farmer Wants A Wife and shakes up the series in just two episodes, but it’s Australia’s favorite winger Samantha Armytage who finds herself faced with a bigger drudgery. strenuous than anything she’s faced in her new life on the farm: trying to get decent soundbites on air from ignorant straight men.
Honestly, with Sam lending his star power to this series and Kruges at the helm Big brotherthese two ladies take personal responsibility for the success of Seven Network’s annual prime-time slate.
SUMMARY BY JAMES WEIR:Read all summaries here
At last night’s premiere, we saw three of the farmers select the five contestants they will each take back to their host families. And tonight, it’s the turn of the last two farmers to make their choice. But who exactly are these farmers? Farmer Paige and the one who looks like Costa.
What follows is a quick round of speed dating, as Farmer Paige and Farmer Benjamin spend about 45 seconds with each hopeful contestant. It leads to a scintillating conversation.
“Are you fishing? a guy asks Paige.
“No,” comes his reply.
It’s the kind of romantic dialogue you usually only hear in a brilliant Baz Luhrmann movie.
But the Fish Guy is about to get better. Everyone, meet Marty.
“Do you ride a horse and everything?” he growls at Paige. “I’m more likely to bet on the horses that stroll them.
Now Paige’s patience is exhausted – much like Marty’s savings account after the Melbourne Cup.
“I don’t think anyone has ever talked to me about their acting on a first date,” she tells us with a grimace. “That was a…ahh…a bit of a red flag…but…it’s okay.”
Of course, that’s totally OK! You know, until he secretly sells your herd of horses and uses the money to bet on other horses.
Meanwhile, Farmer Benjamin’s speed dating series is going great. If we were Marty, we’d bet all our money on the girl who thinks she knows a lot about astrology.
“You might be a fire sign – maybe Sagittarius,” Brittani squints at Benjamin.
She is wrong. But that doesn’t stop him from trying again. And even. How many guesses does she make? Let’s just say that Brittani’s guesses exceed the number of unnecessary letters in her name.
“Because you’re such a good communicator, I thought maybe a Gemini. But then, I was like, WATER SIGN! Are you Cancer?
Benjamin is actually not a Cancer. Or anything else she listed.
“I am a…Virgin,” he looks at her.
“I didn’t choose that,” she shakes her head in disbelief.
No, Britani. No you didn’t. But don’t feel bad – you literally chose everything else.
On the other side of the farm, the producers are finally giving us what we want: a Samantha Armytage cameo. She goes to the singles group to see how their quick dates went. But there is an unforeseen hitch.
You see, the male hopes on Farmer wants a wife aren’t your usual reality TV contestants. These boys haven’t spent years watching all the ridiculous dating shows. They don’t know the game and aren’t sure what they’re supposed to deliver when the cameras are pointed at them. It’s not second nature for them to pick up on the cues and prompts provided by Samantha – which means our daughter has to work overtime, fighting for her life to extract soundbites from these bozos.
” How do you feel ? Sam asks an open, non-threatening question.
The guys mumble a word in response. Collectively, this forms a vague noise: “Maarghuurrpp”.
Sam tries again. “What were your first impressions of her?”
There is silence.
“She’s awesome, yeah,” one of the guys finally shrugs.
Wide-eyed and keeping his cool, Sam tries to offer a few more prompts to get the guys to say something – anything! – about the woman they supposedly want to date.
“She’s gorgeous. And quite tall,” she lists, waiting for others to add something.
“Yeah,” one of the guys nods.
Honestly, it’s hard to say which is more painful: dealing with these guys or having to chat with Kochie at 4 a.m. while he’s getting his scalp powdered in the makeup chair next door.
Another of the men quipped, “We definitely realized Paige had (a particular taste), though, because we realized we were all very similar.”
Sam squints at the group.
“Do you think?” his voice rises high. “I don’t see that. I think you are all very… different.”
Yes. That’s one way to describe them.
Coincidentally, the boys have no problem chatting a few hours later when they’re having a boozy dinner with Paige. In fact, one of them walks off and says a little too much.
Paige asks all the guys what their position is on the kids. Candidates aged nearly 40 say they are all ready for a family. But not everyone is at the same stage of life.
Spiros is too busy being a hot young Sydney PT.
“Okay, next question…” he mutters, moving the conversation forward.
Paige frowns and insists he answer.
“I think…I don’t know if I’ll have kids or not,” he mutters reluctantly.
She barely hears him and asks him to repeat himself.
“I said, ‘I think I don’t (want) to have kids,'” he blurts out, looking around at his imaginary group of brothers before resentfully drinking the rest of his red wine and to immediately regret the calories.
Paige has seen enough. She calls dinner time and we go straight to the elimination ceremony, where she will perform a mass elimination and select only five guys to bring back to her farm.
Because there are so many candidates and we don’t care about them yet, we won’t bother naming anyone. All you need to know is that she picks four, and then, just when she’s supposed to pick her last guy, she drops a bombshell.
“The only thing I can do…is be really fair and respectful to all of you and what you’ve done to be here,” she said, her face serious. “So tonight, I’ll only ask four of you to join me on the farm.”
It’s a win for Paige. But more importantly, it’s a win for Samantha. One less bozo to chat with.